Fortitude, Attitude, Imagination, Truth and now Help.

Does that word “Help” scare you?  Asking for help is considered a weakness, perhaps?  Giving help is ok, but receiving help assaults our pride?

The definitions:  to give assistance or support to ; to make more pleasant or bearable : improve, relieve : rescue, save : to be of use to : benefit : to further the advancement of : promote: to change for the better

Do any of these definitions sound like they should be assaulting your pride or self confidence?  Your doctor’s office is there to offer help at all times – some are better at it than others, but that is why you must also develop a solid and supportive group of people around you that have the same goals in mind that you do so that when you need help you have someone to turn too!  Sometimes that even includes a therapist.  Unfortunately, excessive weight covers a lot of emotions that rarely come to the surface until there is no physical weight there to hold them down and we need professional help to lead us through a place where we have never tread before.

Have you tread in the place of being admired by the opposite sex?  Does it scare you, make you ashamed?  You must look at the truth (as we spoke about last week) to find out why?  Otherwise, you will cover up again with weight.  Have you always over achieved because that was the only way others would notice you…. How about just “achieving” now?  There are many things that shedding weight will bring to the surface just like old trash that was buried and has worked it’s way up to the surface – but it can be dealt with if you ask for help and look for the truth.

You can do it!  You made the decision to lose weight and you wanted to know how to be an absolute success…… Just have F-A-I-T-H….. the process will work if you give it, and yourself, time! 

Enjoy your new you and have FAITH!!

Tammy

So far, F-A-I-T-H has consisted of Fortitude, Attitude, Imagination and this week is Truth.  *Ouch* this one is going to hurt, I am just telling you now….

Truth is:  sincerity in action, character, and utterance;  the state of being the case : fact : the body of real things, events, and facts : actuality : a judgment, proposition, or idea that is true or accepted as true : the body of true statements and propositions : the property (as of a statement) of being in accord with fact or reality : fidelity to an original or to a standard

We do not always like the Truth – especially as defined above.  We like to have our own “relative truth” that applies to our lives and yet to no one else’s.  Unfortunately, it does not work that way most of the time.  Truth is truth, and sometimes the truth hurts.  When it comes to your weight loss, the emotions surrounding the weight loss, the challenges induced by the weight loss, it can be a painful process.  Especially when we look at the truth and our participation and action in it.

It is often easy to say “So and so made me feel that way so I ate myself into a coma at Burger King or Taco Bell because then I couldn’t feel …..”  But the truth is, you still felt it, you just didn’t feel it for the 45 minutes you were eating until you were overstuffed.

As a morbidly obese individual I kept a lot of things in my control, unfortunately though my emotions seemed to be within everyone else’s control and they could do with them as they pleased.  And, I would do things to spite them just because I could – like drive down a particular stretch of road near an old house I used to live in and hit the drive-thru at McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Burger King and if I still wasn’t done punishing myself a tasty TCBY frozen yogurt would be the last thing to top it all off.  Now, I choose not to do that anymore.  Now, I choose to face the truth that someone said or did something to hurt me and none of those things I just mentioned that I did was going to change that fact and because I couldn’t/wouldn’t tell the person that they hurt me, they never knew that I hurt myself because of their carelessness.

Truth is a hard one to get through during this process, and it is not something that ever “just happens” and is done with….. you learn to continue to face “the truth” over and over and you learn to choose better and better each time!  It is often quoted that to just tell the truth and the truth will set you free – and in this instance, it will be difficult, but it is true.  I do not propose to be perfect at this yet, in fact I still have many truths to face and people to tell the truth too who have hurt me and yet they don’t know.  Will our relationship change?  Will it get better or worse?  I don’t know, but I do know that for me, I must learn to tell the truth!

The last one we will look at is Help…..

Tammy

Let’s face it – New Year’s Resolutions, especially about weight, are a big load of hooey and we all know it!  Just consider that a majority of people make New Year’s Resolutions and then break them before the month of January is over!  If you are one of the “strong” ones then perhaps you’ll make it until March.  There seems to be this thought that we can let ourselves go and then get “back on the wagon” on January 1.  Hooey, I tell you!  I see you nodding your head and getting that slight grin!  You think the same thing but are not ready to admit it, at least not yet anyway! 

Personally, I swore off New Year’s resolutions a long time ago when I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to keep the resolution to lose weight.  I discovered that I needed to live in the “now,” not the future (or the past for that matter).  Stop and think about this – take a moment – how much of your life has been spent trying to live in the future or being weighed down (literally) by the past?  I hear so many patients (and friends) say things like “I can eat what I want now, because I’m going to start again on New Year’s” or “It’s the holiday’s, I only get Aunt Suzy’s cookies then so it’s ok to eat one each time I pass the cookie jar” or “I’ll start again on Monday” yet Monday never comes.  Or, how about these “when I lose 50 more lbs. then I will learn to dance” or, “when I lose all the weight then I will take the trip to Europe I’ve always dreamed of.”  What about right now?  Start keeping your resolutions today. 

Today is the day that you choose how your life will be tomorrow – if you continue to put off today, the tomorrow that you desire will never come.  For instance, unless you made the choice yesterday to have surgery to lose weight, you would not be at the weight you are today which makes the possibilities for tomorrow all that much brighter!  Using this as one example you should realize that if you are not happy with where your life is today, think about the choices you made yesterday, make better ones today, enjoy the fruit of those choices tomorrow. 

If you are insistent on putting off until January 1 the choices that are necessary to take care of yourself, then start now to make the plan for how you will carry it out and be successful with it.  If it is losing weight, how are you going to make your environment compatible with weight loss?  If it is quitting smoking, how will you start changing the associations that you have with a cigarette?  If it is exercising, how will you start now to carve out the time to do it?  Start now by making choices today that set you up for success tomorrow so that when you look back at yesterday you know you did everything you could to make yourself successful!

An excellent way to set yourself up for success with weight loss is Focus28 and the excellent programs and products that they offer.  If you need help with the structure that is necessary to lose weight then sign-up for a Bootcamp!  While it sounds rigorous, the plan is simple to use and the products are fantastic!

Best of wishes for a healthy, happy and successful 2010!

Tammy

In this series on what it takes to be successful at weight loss, I’ve told you that it’s going to take FAITH and I’ve already looked at “Fortitude” and “Attitude”.  Next up is “Imagination”, you may be wondering why I chose that as the next word to represent the letter, and it is simply because we must “imagine” ourselves a different way or we will never attain the image.  We must have the imagination to “think outside the box” that we have been in for the last how many ever years of your life!  Can you do that?  Again, all of these definitions are coming straight out of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

“I”magination has three definitions that I like, and again, I will use them all – because you (and me) we need to hear them, they are: 

the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality (emphasis mine) 2 a : creative ability b : ability to confront and deal with a problem : resourcefulness <use your imagination and get us out of here> c : the thinking or active mind : interest <stories that fired the imagination> 3 a : a creation of the mind; especially : an idealized or poetic creation b : fanciful or empty assumption

When was the last time you found yourself lost in your imagination, thinking about what the possibilities are?  When you were a child?  Before others started calling you cruel names?  Before you got involved with the abusive person you are with now because that is what you think you deserve?

Now that you have started to take control of your life, weight and health, take control of your imagination and begin to imagine good things.  Many times our imaginations carry us to the worst places that we can go – but get into your imagination ship and sail in the opposite direction – even if it is only over a cup of coffee or tea……… see where it will take you.

Go to the store and buy a 64 color box of crayons and some blank coloring paper (or a coloring book) and  let your imagination fly….. who says the horse has to be black, brown or white…….. why not yellow, pink or purple?  It’s your story, your imagination….. begin to dream again and you will see that it will take you places that you never imagined you could go!

Next week is a hard one………. We are going to look at Truth (for the “t” in Faith) – don’t skip next weeks post!

Tammy

Last week the discussion started on What does it take to succeed at WLS (or weight loss in general) and it starts with “Fortitude” now we are going to look at “Attitude”

“A”ttitude – There are several definitions of Attitude that apply and I will use the three that I think fit best;  a position assumed for a specific purpose; a mental position with regard to a fact or state <a helpful attitude>; a feeling or emotion toward a fact or state; an organismic state of readiness to respond in a characteristic way to a stimulus (as an object, concept, or situation)

How do you think about your weight loss efforts?  Have you changed your attitude? Really think about the three definitions that I used from the dictionary…. They all have to do with your mental position on the subject.  Have you assumed a position for the specific purpose of weight loss?  Or, have you just assumed that having surgery will do it all for you?  Have you taken the mental position that you are going to participate with the process, not just have the surgery, and toss up your hands to your “fate”.  Have you examined your emotions and feelings toward this change?  Not just the excitement of losing weight, but the fear that life as you know it will change – men can no longer get into eating contests to prove their “manliness” and women must choose not to keep “Ben & Jerry” as a close friend in their freezer that is useful and available for any nighttime phone call!

The last definition refers to an “organismic state of readiness” and that took a little thought because in this situation our “organismic state” is to respond in a characteristic way that was harmful to us and now we must work on changing that response.  Have you thought about how you are going to do that?  Generally, that will involve a counselor or some sort, if even for a short time, because you are unfamiliar with any other way of doing things…… begin to think about how you will be  in the state of readiness to respond to an old stimulus in a new way!

Next week we will look at “Imagination”

Tammy

People ask me “what does it take to be a “successful” weight loss surgery patient?”  They are expecting me to tell them that as long as they have a great surgeon, they are going to get through it with flying colors and all will be well and that they will just “know” what to do as the time comes.  Unfortunately, I cannot give them any of those answers.

My answers run along the lines of these instead:

It takes some FAITH to get through this process and they will roll their eyes and think that I am somehow lying to them.  They are going to be special and are not going to have to do anything (because they had this surgery so that they would not have to “diet” anymore) and everything will work out spectacularly for them.  When it doesn’t they are angry and disappointed and feel like “one more thing” was a “sham, a lie, a dupe” on them………. However, let me tell you, if you PARTICIPATE with your surgery and your surgeon you will do excellently!  This is why I say that you must have F-A-I-T-H in order to be a successful patient!  All definitions came from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

“F”ortitude – The definition of Fortitude that directly applies to this is: the strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage

We must have the strength , and the courage, to bear the difficult decisions and positions that our choice to take care of our health has put us in – that means when we want to eat because we are bored, we recognize that and learn to do something else.  Or when we are angry, that we learn to acknowledge our anger or when it would “disappoint” someone if we didn’t have “just a piece” of their specialty that we learn to compliment the gesture but refuse the food.  None of these things comes naturally or easily.  Hence, you will not just “know” what to do in these situations – you will only “know” to do the old thing, not the new!  We all have courage buried somewhere deep inside of us, it is time to dig it out, polish it off and let our courage take us places that we have only imagined

Next week is on Attitude:

Start to imagine the Fortitude that you have buried inside of you………… you are stronger than you think – no matter what anyone has told you your entire life.  I should know, I hear the voice every day that says “hey “fat girl” what are you going to do today?”  And I’ve learned to answer “I don’t know what the “fat girl” is going to do but I am going to do all I can to make a difference in another person’s life.”  You see, my attitude has changed from being defeated to being empowered………… you are empowered, no matter what!

Tammy

With Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah approaching, it is reasonable to think that there will be increased angst as thoughts regarding upcoming discussions about “how am I going to get through the day” or “what do I say when someone asks…” or “what do I do about so many ‘good’ things I like being on the table?”  I have a few comments for each of those situations.  These are strategies that I, and others, have found helpful over the last five holiday seasons

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and with it comes the critical, ignorant, judgmental and just plain nosey people who are in our lives because they “have to” be (namely family!)….  If you have kept your surgery on a “N2K” (Need to Know) basis – still keep it that way if you are uncomfortable with others opinions and comments.  If a family member whom you did tell slips up and blurts out “the secret” and interested parties speak up for more info, to criticize or to comment on your decision to improve your health, you have the opportunity to mature just a little bit more and offer a reply such as:

1.  I wish you wouldn’t have said anything about my decision, as my health issues are not for public (or family) discussion.

2.  I kept my decision for surgery private because “my health issues are not for public (or family) discussion.

3.  All decisions about my health were/are carefully considered between my significant other, my doctor and myself.

4.  Based on scientific research and my health situation, my doctor recommended my procedure and I/we carefully considered the doctors orders and followed them to my current success.

5.  I didn’t tell you about my procedure, how did you find out?

6.  What procedure are you talking about, I didn’t tell you that I was undergoing any medical procedure?

7.  While I appreciate your concern for my health, my doctor and I are in agreement that the right path was taken and that’s all that matters.

And then, shut up about it and change the subject.  You can even say “I do not wish to discuss this now” and then change the subject.  If they persist, get up and move to another part of the room and start another discussion.

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Inspiration……… how does one get it?  What does it mean?  Does what inspires one person inspire another?  As we all know from our life experience, the answer to that question is “NO”… we’ve experienced the same encouragements and accomplishments as others, we’ve heard the same words spoken to us as our neighbor sitting in the seat beside us at some rally, conference or religious service and yet we all walk away with a different “take” on the words that were spoken.  Why is that?

Don’t words mean what they mean?  Doesn’t Webster’s definition of “inspiration” mean:

1 a : a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation b : the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions c : the act of influencing or suggesting opinions
2 : the act of drawing in; specifically : the drawing of air into the lungs
3 a : the quality or state of being inspired b : something that is inspired <a scheme that was pure inspiration>
4 : an inspiring agent or influence

And yet, how do we not always experience it this way?  When most people think of “inspiration” these days, they only think about definition #3a: the quality or state of being inspired; which is limiting to such a broad and expansive word that contains so much potential!

What about the divine influence; have you explored your Spiritual side lately?  Or, moving your intellect or emotions; have you seen this journey that you are on with your WLS as an agent of change, not only in your body, but also your mind and emotions (or have you resisted it and fought it and basically made your own existence a painful one)?  How about you influencing or suggesting opinions to others?  You are bright, intelligent individuals who have a positive and powerful influence over others (even if you are simply a janitor, food service worker or street crossing guard).  Have you drawn anyone into your life lately or only pushed them out?

You see “inspiration” is not simply the divine influence upon us; it includes our influence on others!  There are people that you touch every day, how do they see you?  It is a reflection of how you see yourself.  What would influence you?  Taking the hand of someone else starting the adventure of weight loss surgery?   Why not take the hand of someone behind you – then you will be reaching for someone else’s hand while another is reaching for yours.  None of us are in this battle alone – even though it can feel incredibly lonely sometimes.

We can find inspiration in many things, and for each one it is different.  However, they all include others.  Others inspiring us to move forward, make our lives better, make our journey more powerful and us inspiring others to grasp the baton that we pass on to them to make their lives better and their journey’s more powerful still.  When we take our eyes off of “I” and put them on the “we” or the “us” – inspiration comes naturally.  We see others succeed and we want to be like them.  We want to imitate them, we want to learn from their successes and their failures.  No one is perfect, and if they attempt to make you believe they are perfect, that is their first flaw!

Take inspiration from us at Focus28.  We are here to inspire you to go forward, move ahead, be successful, and enjoy this new life!  If you need help doing that, come back and visit us often.  Check out the Focus28 Bootcamp and pay attention to the heartfelt guidance that we give you in the packet.  Following the eating plan makes the mechanics of the day to day easy because it’s all planned out for you but pay attention to the material on “Body Image” and “Self Esteem” – both of which will be changing very soon!

Tell me, what inspires you?  Send me feedback at Living the Dream.  You never know when you will be the inspiration for others!

Tammy

Henry David Thoreau is often quoted as saying – “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined.”

As one can note from my earlier posts, and if they ever met me, I am concerned with being an active participant in this thing we call “Life.”  I wasted away too many years letting life pass me by because of morbid obesity’s effects on my confidence, physical ability and imagined shortcomings.  A friend of mine recently brought my thinking back to the reality that we often let life pass us by out of fear of the unknown.

I asked her if I could write about her, and she graciously agreed.  I want to share her story in order to inspire you to “advance confidently in the direction of one’s dreams.”  She recently attained the golden anniversary of her birthday and the two-and-a-half year anniversary of her LapBand.  In January of 2009, she said to me that she wanted to move back to California, a place she had left decades prior.  Amidst the pain of the thought that she wanted to leave New York, I was also very aware that she had started dreaming again, something she hadn’t done in a long time.  I supported her as much as a friend could, encouraging her and being a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen whenever possible.  There is an ancient proverb that says “All things are possible to those who believe” and what amazed me the entire time is that she was following her new dream, because she believed that she could.

I saw her and her husband off in the last couple of weeks to go and start living out the dream that she has!  She has already been blessed with a new job, the new apartment is coming – we know.  Through her experience this past year, starting in January, I have seen perseverance in action.  When the going got rough, and there were many rough times in planning this cross country move, old habits tried rearing their ugly head but she did very well at keeping her focus and moving forward.  Did she struggle with not turning to old stress relieving favorites, of course, just like everyone else but when she fell down, she got right back up again.  It was not an excuse to go off and let the wagon run away without her.

We can take many lessons from my friend and from H. D. Thoreau – hers from her actions to get back up after she falls down, not being afraid to dream, persevering to make her dream come to fruition, not letting anyone tell her that her dream was impossible (those who say your dream is impossible do so because they fail to dream) and she has met “with a success unexpected in common hours” as H.D. Thoreau put it.

Therefore, take Thoreau’s advice and “advance confidently in the direction of one’s dreams, and endeavor to live the life which one has imagined” and when you choose to do that expect that “one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

How are YOU living the dream? Share your story!

Tammy

In my last blog I encouraged you to DO SOMETHING……. And, taking my own advice I began again and DID SOMETHING.  I started exercising again.  My weight is stable, my clothes continue to fit, but I just have not been thrilled with all the ushy-gushy stuff that’s been left over.  I’m not going to kid myself and think that it is going to disappear or get all toned up and “fabulous” looking – but I can do my part.  When I first had my surgery I was at the gym five days per week for the first eight months and then three days per week and then eventually, I slid off the exercise wagon in my second year and have been back up and down, on and off that wagon ever since.  So, once again I am climbing back on the wagon!  Granted, if I would have stayed on the wagon I might have a less ushy-gushy middle, but I’m ok.  The days of whacking myself over the head for all the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s” is over.  It is NOW, and NOW is the time that I can make a change in my life.

Has it been easy since I started again back in September?  Emphatically – NO!!!  But will it get easier and better and will I ultimately be happier?  Emphatically – YES!!!  To help myself out and get over the initial hump, I got a personal trainer to push me when I want to quit and to hold me accountable.  Everyone needs to be accountable – especially when it comes to doing things that we have traditionally not been accustomed to doing.  Once I am feeling stronger, I will start to play racquetball again and I’m already getting back into the pool.  I am making changes that empower me to make other changes.  It’s all in how you look at it!  I’m changing my perspective and therefore my actions.

I am considerably healthier than I was before I had surgery, all of my co-morbid conditions have been resolved, I am no longer diabetic nor do I have high blood pressure or PCOS.  The sleep apnea that used to plague me is gone as well and I feel good – so I got comfortable.  We all do!  Getting comfortable with who we have become is a good thing, but that does not give us permission to be recalcitrant in keeping up with the activities and actions that got us to where we are.  The key to keeping it up is finding something that you like to do – for enjoyment.  I like racquetball and I like swimming – both are on the agenda to participate in even more.  That’s what I can do for me.  What can you do for you?

I asked the dreaded question – what can you do for you?  You are that important you know.  The grumbling that started when I asked the question was audible from here… “I don’t have time…,” “I need to sleep…,” “I work too much…,” etc. but we all know that when we really want something to happen or we really want to do something, we will move heaven and earth to make it come to pass.  Exercise is like that – we don’t really like it, so we don’t really find a way to make it happen.  But we must change our perspective.  Exercise can be as simple as taking a casual bike ride on a Sunday afternoon, signing up for karate lessons, learning to play racquetball or tennis, or even going outside to build a snowman, since winter is upon us.  If you need, or want, some structure, kick it up with Focus28’s Bootcamp.  Use every tool at your disposal to make yourself a success and the Bootcamp is a great place to start.  Try something out of the ordinary that will make you feel like a Superhero!  Racquetball does that for me, and looking forward, when I get out of school and can go to training classes in the evening, Juijitsu does it for me as well!  What about you?  What have you tried lately?

Get moving, think outside the box!  Find a partner, get moving!  Utilize the Bootcamp to get started!

Until next week…. Tell me what you are committing to do in order to get moving – I told you what I’m committing to do – and I’m asking you to help hold me accountable!

Tammy